my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
