i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
