put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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