i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
