Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
