found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
