I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
