So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
