That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
