My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize