Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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