dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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