Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
