this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize