Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
