so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
