Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
