Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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