after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Randomize
