WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
