Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
