I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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