i just had sex bonerless
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
