I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize