why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
