Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize