Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
