He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
