My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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