so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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