..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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