Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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