Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
