Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize