He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
