I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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