i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
