How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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