I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize