you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize