I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
