people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
