Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
