i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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