i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I could fuck to npr.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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