I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
