One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
