Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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