did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
