Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
How many fucks given?
0.12846
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
