My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
