If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
