i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize