The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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