She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
