Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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