I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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