It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
