i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize