I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
