you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
