Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
