literally had 100 drinks last night.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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