you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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