It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
