Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
