are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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